Author notes: See, this is why too much work and not enough sleep aren't good for fic writers. Weird things happen... Unbeta'ed.

Watcher In The Shadows

The Sam I once knew is gone.

Tragedy and loss have worn him down, piece by piece by little piece. Until all that’s left is a steel core of anger and determination.

It breaks my heart.

I wish I could ease his pain a little, but I never can. I am part of it. I still love him; death doesn’t change that. Neither does demon blood.

I just wish I could tell him so. Perhaps it might help, if only a little.

I tried, once. During the summer after Dean died, and Sam was headed on a self-destruct course. I thought that I could—but the sheer amount of hatred and disgust that greeted me once I managed to manifest in visible form… It terrified me so that I fled, returning to the shadows beyond the veil, invisible to Sam, where all I can do is watch, and ache for him.

‘Cause Sam has this private face that he never shows anyone. Not even his brother. A face that only appears when he believes nobody’s watching; that tells me he’s still agonizing over might-have-beens and could-have-beens. Mourning all he lost.

That face makes my heart break all over again…

***

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  1. Posted April 19, 2009 at 4:10 pm | Permalink

    I’d hesitate to recommend too much work and too little sleep, but if this is the result, it’s not all bad. *g*

    This is a wonderful piece – very poignant, and I think very true to what Jess’s spirit might feel watching Sam.

    Thanks for writing and sharing.

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